Jillypopmusic – an update on Hamlet, Paul, and the afterlife.

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Hello dear followers of Jillypopmusic! I have dearly missed posting regularly and missed reading my favorite blogs and all the commenting and lovely encounters in the bloggosphere with you.

As you know Lucy passed on 2/28 and well it’s a funny thing. I begin writing this post, walk away from the laptop for just a moment. Suddenly the soundtrack to “Chicago: The Musical” begins playing on the laptop media player. I have no explanation for this. Except that I believe that when loved ones depart, they hang around and are able to do friendly things like start an album you like. I’m not going to go too much into it, but it actually makes me feel like Lucy is still here and walked across the keyboard of my laptop and started the music.

Hamlet is doing well. Four days ago he started chemo meds (Chlorambucil) in addition to his regime of prednisolone and B12 begun recently. I found a private small yahoo group for owners of cats with small cell lymphoma, and it’s nice to have some support and additional sources of information.

The last I posted was a picture of Paul and me and really ever since then the relationship has deteriorated and seems to get worse daily. Paul is jealous of everything I do and anyone I spend time with. He has expectations that I can’t meet romantically. He picked a fight as I wrote my Wall challenge post. To complicate matters, Paul helps me give Hamlet his meds. I repeatedly tell him I’m not in the proper frame of mind for a romance and can we be friends. Well he’s one of these guys that doesn’t want a platonic relationship. He wants everything that he needs in one person. I don’t think that’s fair to me. The fact is I have a life, friends, meetups, classes, and I can’t just be his full-time attentive girlfriend. There is a reason I have been single for years. I feel like it’s not going to work out at all, which is sad for us.

I began a computer Front End Web Development class the day Lucy passed. It is so hard and a real challenge. It moves very fast and I need to devote a lot of outside class time to review what we’ve learned.

What’s truly been the most therapeutic during this difficult time has been my Fitbit. It tracks my daily steps and you join challenges where you compete against up to ten others. As a competitive person, it’s very motivating and also makes walking fun. You get trophies, badges, and lots of encouragement during the challenges. I came in 3rd place in my first workweek challenge during which I walked over 62K steps from Monday to Friday last week. Not bad for a person who prefers watching Downton Abbey on the couch. Luckily my friend Connie forced me to go out several times instead of bingeing on ice cream and my 95% full DVR.

Thank you for reading my blog. Now I need to catch up on my favorite blogs and bloggers!

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8 comments

  1. Hello, darling! So nice to read you!
    I think the relationship you’re in is very toxic and you should follow what your gut is telling you, but that’s just what I think.
    Have a nice day! 🙂

    1. Hi Ella! Yes, my gut has told me for sometime now that he’s not good for me. I have to be completely honest with him and it may break his heart but I think what is happenning now is worse. I gave him many reasons early on not to fall in love and he did anyway. I also still can’t ignore the comment he first made about my weight. Thanks for commenting, enjoy your Monday! 🙂

  2. Sounds like you’ve had a massive rollercoaster ride in a short time. The Web Dev class sounds very cool!
    Nice to feel that Lucy is still around, and I hope Hamlet is ok.
    Re Paul: sorry to read that it’s not working out, but you seem very grounded and self-aware with good instincts. Have to agree, trust those instincts. All the best.

  3. wow so much going on! yes I have missed seeing you. If I was your boyfriend I would be MORE THAN HAPPY if you had a life, haha. One major problem w/ relationships that I’ve had is just what you have described. Too much need and dependence. I don’t like it. But it is hard to choose between that and apathy, apathy hurts a LOT. Anyway, I know you will figure it out. 🙂 Meanwhile so sorry about the loss and the struggles you are going through.

      1. It is not fun at all to pill cats! What I used to do is carefully wrap a towel around mine, making sure claws were firmly hidden, tuck her under my arm, then pry the little jaws apart and push it down her throat. Not a pleasant experience for either of us 😦 But eventually she did surrender to it esp. if she learned she would get a treat afterward.

  4. Yay! You’re back 🙂

    You were missed Jill, great photo too!

    I can understand your step back from the blog with all of that going on, sorry to hear that you have had quite a turbulent relationship, I thought that he could make you happy but if that’s not the case, then you must look out for number one!x

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