breaking us in two

Breaking Us in Two

It’s still Tuesday. How did it go so wrong? I’m listening to this song by Joe Jackson because my relationship with Paul is not in a good place. I wanted to go out to a Meetup group and spend some time with my friends. We had had a difficult day at the Vet as we each have 2 kitties with serious medical issues. When we got back, Paul completely shut down and just sat in his chair. I wanted to try and cheer him up or at least get him to eat something. Well, I had planned to go to my regular meetup group in the city, but I would have skipped it if he wouldn’t have turned so inward. I called Paul from the train and he didn’t understand why I wasn’t with him every night and why do I have to go out with friends or to a meetup group. I found this very selfish thinking. You can’t be with someone all the time and have a healthy relationship. He can’t count on me for everything. It’s not fair to me. He also knows that I’m having insomnia basically since we got together. I sleep sometimes 2 or 3 or 4 hours a night. 5 hours is miraculous. I’m going to the doctor tomorrow to try and solve this problem. I know the answer. I have to lessen the intensity of the relationship. I don’t want to break up but I can’t be everything he needs. I have hobbies, other friends, and then desire to go out in the fresh air. I’m working on my weight loss and will be joining a gym. Is he going to resent that too. Not likely, since if you recall, he blatantly told me I should lose weight. You know, I am happy and I’d like to stay happy. I guess we’ll just see what happens tomorrow. Here’s to another sleepless night.