love

How to be a good girlfriend

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Let me start by saying that I first kissed Paul on January 22, 2015. We have been in a relationship since basically the beginning but I really didn’t consider myself his girlfriend until March 18. Honestly just about everyday I do something that a “good girlfriend” wouldn’t do – yet I also do something a “good girlfriend” would definitely do.

I’m writing this post for the girls. The girls, like me, who haven’t been in a relationship in 2, 5, or even 10 years or more. Suddenly, you go from being single to being a couple – to being someone’s girlfriend. If, like me, you are out of practice, everyday is a challenge.

1. Always hold hands when walking down the street. It announces to the world that you are a couple and that you are a good girlfriend. It also feels really nice.

2. Set boundaries. This can be tricky. It can be something simple like making a rule not to call each other until 8 am. I have actually done this in my relationship and it’s about 88% effective.

3. Go out with your girlfriends. Especially in a new relationship there’s a tendency to want to spend all your free time together. Don’t succumb to that. He will miss you when you go out with your friends and that’s a good thing. Also, girlfriends are important and shouldn’t be abandoned when you get a boyfriend.

4. Send him a card in the mail. I use the Felt app for iPad, but any handwritten card he gets in the mail will make him feel loved and special. I recently sent my boyfriend a St. Patrick’s Day card that said “You’re my lucky charm.” Inside I wrote “You mean the world to me.”

5. Give each other endearing and unique nicknames and use them affectionately. Another way to feel exclusive and closer.

6. Make dinner for your boyfriend. Glamour Magazine actually published a recipe called Engagement Chicken. Obviously you don’t need to be Julia Child. Make something you know he likes and serve it to him. I made the mistake just last night of making my dinner and bringing it over to my boyfriend’s place. He made his own dinner, but he later lamented that he wished I had made it for him.

7. Initiate affection. One afternoon my boyfriend and I were in the elevator and I just went and kissed him for the 15 second ride. He loved that I did that. Obviously I don’t do that all the time so the element of surprise is nice.

8. Don’t let him leave angry. I definitely messed this one up a lot in the beginning. Despite the fact that you’re probably right in whatever you’re spatting about, make sure it’s resolved. Talk it out until 2 a.m. if you have to. Parting – with apologies to Shakespeare – is sweet sorrow if you’re in a good place when you leave each other’s places.

9. Do nice things. He isn’t feeling well. Go pick up something he needs on your way over to his place. It shows you are thinking about him when you’re apart.

10. Be there for him. Relationships are not just about sharing fun and good times. Be there for the sad moments, the bad days. Be a good listener and be on his side if he’s arguing with someone.

11. Remember you’re essentially a team. Support and root for each other. Compromise. Watch the western movie when you’d rather see a rom-com.

12. Tell him you love him if he says he loves you. While I believe the boy should like the girl more than the girl likes the boy, don’t play hard to get. It’s a big deal to tell someone you love them. If you want to be a good girlfriend, say it back.

This is by no means a complete list and I’m far from an expert as I’ve only had a few serious relationships. I know some of you may have something to add, so please comment if you feel like it. Thanks for reading!

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Spread the Love

I was nominated by my friend desleyjane to take part in the Spread the Love event. Here are the rules:

1. Write 10 four-word sentences about what love means to you.
2. Share your favorite quote on love.
3. Nominate 10 other bloggers to join in.

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Love is…

1. Telling each other secrets
2. Dancing until it’s dawn
3. Bringing soup when sick
4. When you hold hands
5. Sharing ice cream cones
6. Visiting new places together
7. Going back to favorites
8. Sharing a morning coffee
9. Hugging for twenty seconds
10. Wanting to kiss forever

Those were all about romance, but I’d just like to add that love between parent and child and between human and pet is the unconditional love that I most cherish.
Which leads me to my quote:

All you need is love. -The Beatles

Ten blogs I am nominating:

Bipolar Scorpio
The Girl in Glasses
Jumbleskine
Faraday’s Candle
After Midnight: A Christian Bipolar
Peggy Polias
Untitled Unfinished
Basil and Oil
Eat Play Clove
Anniewhere She Goes

New Glasses – New Vision

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On Sunday night I lost my glasses. I had a spare pair, which I had made a year ago and had never worn. I have nearsightedness and astigmatism so glasses are my window to an otherwise blurry world.
I have spent the last few days getting accustomed to my new look, and new perspective.
I am seeing things differently, of course.
It has been twenty days since I first kissed Paul, since that amazing night where we stayed up until 2 a.m. We know a lot more about each other now, good and bad. Relationships are tricky when you’ve been single as long as he & I both have. Suddenly there’s this other person who you have to consider whilst making even the smallest decision.
It’s a challenge. I love being with him, our talks at the T-Bone Diner, walking in Forest Hills, shopping for new bras for me at Macy’s. I like motivating him to go beyond what he feels he is capable of. Paul has back pains and often would rather stay home. Paul also motivates me to get healthier, get along better with my parents, follow my dreams and he has a heart of gold. I do have to work on my warmth and affectionate behavior. I do think it’s worth it and dear readers, I hope you will enjoy following our relationship with these weekly updates.

Food and love

Ever since I joined Weight Watchers I have been meticulously tracking my food and activity through their website and mobile app. What needs to be tracked additionally is my emotional state and mood and how it translates to my food choices.
Love and food are so closely enmeshed in American culture. We share dinners on first dates, we celebrate birthdays with cakes and candles, we cook for people we love. Those are all happy occasions.
What about when you are blue or sad or have no love in your life? That’s when I have turned to food, becoming an emotional eater instead of eating to feed myself. It has been like that for me for several years.
Guess what? Things are getting better! This past New Year’s Eve I was really feeling down. Out of nowhere a band tweeted me that they loved my blog and would I review their single. I hadn’t even posted anything since May. On January 2, I revived my blog and it has been amazing. I love interacting with you who are reading and commenting. What started off as a music blog has morphed into something more personal.
I like sharing my recent experiences with Paul and I will continue to share. I am so much happier than I was a month ago. I have a man in my life who cares about me and is affectionate. The Blizzard brought us closer the last 2 days. I have been making good food choices and eating when I am hungry – learning what it feels like to eat for nutrition and energy. I can do this!