Yesterday was a sunny, windy, blue-skied Spring day and my boyfriend Paul and I decided to walk through Forest Hills Gardens, an uberposh private community near where we live in Queens, NY.
Forest Hills Gardens, founded in 1909, is the first planned garden community in the United States. Designed a century ago by Grosvenor Atterbury and Frederick Law Olmsted Jr., Forest Hills Gardens is an oasis in the very heart of Queens. The Real Estate prices of houses for sale there are $1 million or more.
I found this document from 1911, written about Forest Hills Gardens. It’s interesting to read the perspective of it from the time it was created.
I hope to explore more of Forest Hills Gardens with Paul, as we both really love it. I appreciate that we can have nice outings as a couple. I was single for a long long time. Sometimes I forget that I’m not single and in a culture that is designed for couples and families, it’s nice to sort of fit in. It’s also nice to be able to walk around holding hands, steal kisses on a bench, and for the moment, feel that everything is actually good.
Hello dear followers of Jillypopmusic! I have dearly missed posting regularly and missed reading my favorite blogs and all the commenting and lovely encounters in the bloggosphere with you.
As you know Lucy passed on 2/28 and well it’s a funny thing. I begin writing this post, walk away from the laptop for just a moment. Suddenly the soundtrack to “Chicago: The Musical” begins playing on the laptop media player. I have no explanation for this. Except that I believe that when loved ones depart, they hang around and are able to do friendly things like start an album you like. I’m not going to go too much into it, but it actually makes me feel like Lucy is still here and walked across the keyboard of my laptop and started the music.
Hamlet is doing well. Four days ago he started chemo meds (Chlorambucil) in addition to his regime of prednisolone and B12 begun recently. I found a private small yahoo group for owners of cats with small cell lymphoma, and it’s nice to have some support and additional sources of information.
The last I posted was a picture of Paul and me and really ever since then the relationship has deteriorated and seems to get worse daily. Paul is jealous of everything I do and anyone I spend time with. He has expectations that I can’t meet romantically. He picked a fight as I wrote my Wall challenge post. To complicate matters, Paul helps me give Hamlet his meds. I repeatedly tell him I’m not in the proper frame of mind for a romance and can we be friends. Well he’s one of these guys that doesn’t want a platonic relationship. He wants everything that he needs in one person. I don’t think that’s fair to me. The fact is I have a life, friends, meetups, classes, and I can’t just be his full-time attentive girlfriend. There is a reason I have been single for years. I feel like it’s not going to work out at all, which is sad for us.
I began a computer Front End Web Development class the day Lucy passed. It is so hard and a real challenge. It moves very fast and I need to devote a lot of outside class time to review what we’ve learned.
What’s truly been the most therapeutic during this difficult time has been my Fitbit. It tracks my daily steps and you join challenges where you compete against up to ten others. As a competitive person, it’s very motivating and also makes walking fun. You get trophies, badges, and lots of encouragement during the challenges. I came in 3rd place in my first workweek challenge during which I walked over 62K steps from Monday to Friday last week. Not bad for a person who prefers watching Downton Abbey on the couch. Luckily my friend Connie forced me to go out several times instead of bingeing on ice cream and my 95% full DVR.
Thank you for reading my blog. Now I need to catch up on my favorite blogs and bloggers!
It’s still Tuesday. How did it go so wrong? I’m listening to this song by Joe Jackson because my relationship with Paul is not in a good place. I wanted to go out to a Meetup group and spend some time with my friends. We had had a difficult day at the Vet as we each have 2 kitties with serious medical issues. When we got back, Paul completely shut down and just sat in his chair. I wanted to try and cheer him up or at least get him to eat something. Well, I had planned to go to my regular meetup group in the city, but I would have skipped it if he wouldn’t have turned so inward. I called Paul from the train and he didn’t understand why I wasn’t with him every night and why do I have to go out with friends or to a meetup group. I found this very selfish thinking. You can’t be with someone all the time and have a healthy relationship. He can’t count on me for everything. It’s not fair to me. He also knows that I’m having insomnia basically since we got together. I sleep sometimes 2 or 3 or 4 hours a night. 5 hours is miraculous. I’m going to the doctor tomorrow to try and solve this problem. I know the answer. I have to lessen the intensity of the relationship. I don’t want to break up but I can’t be everything he needs. I have hobbies, other friends, and then desire to go out in the fresh air. I’m working on my weight loss and will be joining a gym. Is he going to resent that too. Not likely, since if you recall, he blatantly told me I should lose weight. You know, I am happy and I’d like to stay happy. I guess we’ll just see what happens tomorrow. Here’s to another sleepless night.
On Sunday night I lost my glasses. I had a spare pair, which I had made a year ago and had never worn. I have nearsightedness and astigmatism so glasses are my window to an otherwise blurry world.
I have spent the last few days getting accustomed to my new look, and new perspective.
I am seeing things differently, of course.
It has been twenty days since I first kissed Paul, since that amazing night where we stayed up until 2 a.m. We know a lot more about each other now, good and bad. Relationships are tricky when you’ve been single as long as he & I both have. Suddenly there’s this other person who you have to consider whilst making even the smallest decision.
It’s a challenge. I love being with him, our talks at the T-Bone Diner, walking in Forest Hills, shopping for new bras for me at Macy’s. I like motivating him to go beyond what he feels he is capable of. Paul has back pains and often would rather stay home. Paul also motivates me to get healthier, get along better with my parents, follow my dreams and he has a heart of gold. I do have to work on my warmth and affectionate behavior. I do think it’s worth it and dear readers, I hope you will enjoy following our relationship with these weekly updates.