Breaking Us in Two

It’s still Tuesday. How did it go so wrong? I’m listening to this song by Joe Jackson because my relationship with Paul is not in a good place. I wanted to go out to a Meetup group and spend some time with my friends. We had had a difficult day at the Vet as we each have 2 kitties with serious medical issues. When we got back, Paul completely shut down and just sat in his chair. I wanted to try and cheer him up or at least get him to eat something. Well, I had planned to go to my regular meetup group in the city, but I would have skipped it if he wouldn’t have turned so inward. I called Paul from the train and he didn’t understand why I wasn’t with him every night and why do I have to go out with friends or to a meetup group. I found this very selfish thinking. You can’t be with someone all the time and have a healthy relationship. He can’t count on me for everything. It’s not fair to me. He also knows that I’m having insomnia basically since we got together. I sleep sometimes 2 or 3 or 4 hours a night. 5 hours is miraculous. I’m going to the doctor tomorrow to try and solve this problem. I know the answer. I have to lessen the intensity of the relationship. I don’t want to break up but I can’t be everything he needs. I have hobbies, other friends, and then desire to go out in the fresh air. I’m working on my weight loss and will be joining a gym. Is he going to resent that too. Not likely, since if you recall, he blatantly told me I should lose weight. You know, I am happy and I’d like to stay happy. I guess we’ll just see what happens tomorrow. Here’s to another sleepless night.

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